I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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