seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
