You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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