my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize