we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
