By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize