Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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