too bad you live with your parents still
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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