guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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