So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
