i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
