They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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