look no pants
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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