In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
