i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
