I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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