u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
