It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
