Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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