You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
