Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
