How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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