when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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