I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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