a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
