i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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