I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize