im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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