I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
