What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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