so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
