my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
