when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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