dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Screwed.edu
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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