Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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