My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
