In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize