i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
