I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
