Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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