New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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