There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
