I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I party with great urgency now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
