Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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