you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
