One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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