I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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