she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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