I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
