i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
