there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
