Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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