I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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