I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
