I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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