Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
