You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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