You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
