Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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