I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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