Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
