Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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