I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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