sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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