I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
