take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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