That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
